something meaningful

so i've been pretty depressed lately and i've finally figured it out. i can't stand working a crappy job for nine hours a day for $6.75 an hour. imagine that. and a job where, no matter what you do, there's always something wrong with it. that's called a corporate job...making coffee for a big-wig brown bean business. yeah. i can't believe the trouble you can get into for pressing a single button on a cash register. ridiculous. and the fact that i work with so many people who actually believe in the crap is unreal. it makes me sad. i see these young kids doing this job, falling into line, following the DUMBASS leader. it's not me. and they are surprised at me. all of a sudden, i am the rebellious employee that needs to be watched and tracked. give me a break. what? because i think for myself, i've committed some horrible crime? well, today was my first day taking control of the adult group at the rehab center (my other job...that i actually find joy and meaning in doing). and it went too well. i left there wishing that i felt every day the way i felt leaving that place. that's the way life should be. maybe it is totally selfish. i mean, it is. feeling that good is selfish. but i love feeling like i'm doing something that matters to someone else. i can't imagine spending a lifetime trying to please someone through a cup of coffee when there are actual problems in the world. there are people who need me. people who need you. they're everywhere. being able to be that person,..being in a place where you CAN be that person...i feel totally blessed. this is what i want to do with my life. i'm dropping off my portfolio at the local newspapers tomorrow and if they show any interest AT ALL, i'm saying goodbye to that coffee company forever. hell, i want to say goodbye anyway. but the way this country works, you have nothing without a constant inflow of greenbacks. isn't it funny, the things we must do, the parts of ourselves we must compromise, in order to survive in this backwards nation?. i think so. it's depressing. no wonder so many people have such a hard time finding a reason to smile. i've found mine. and my happiness, my peace of mind is worth so much more than a dead white man's face.